Assalamualaikum and hi readers,
On the 3rd October 2018, I found out I was 4 months pregnant. Nothing is happier than knowing you're finally having a child growing up inside your tummy. I was lucky that I had no morning sickness other than bloating and backpain. Since then, i just rest and did nothing at home. Asyraf helped me a lot. He's excited and bought me everything i wanted to eat. His family, they were very happy. My in laws, Asyraf's grandparents got me all kind of meals I wanted to eat.
We had our first scan on my 6th week. Everything was fine. But it was too early to find the hearbeat! But I'm grateful that it's not ectopic pregnancy. So we brought back the scan image home and placed it on the refrigerator so that we can see it everyday. The doc advised us to come again in another 4 weeks, when I'm at 10th weeks of pregnancy.
On 30th of October, I was at office when I felt something came out. I went to the ladies and noticed there was a blood spot. It should be normal because it's the blood that came out during the implantation took place. I went home later that evening and told Asyraf not to worry because I thought it was normal.
The next morning I woke up and went to the toilet. This time, I had more blood coming out than the day before, but I wasn't in pain. Asyraf is leaving to Janda Baik for his office meeting. I told him that I'm gonna see the doc first before work. Asyraf hug and told me this,
"Promise me, whatever the doc says, you must be strong"
I burst into tears because I know something is not right. But I was so positive that time. Because I have friend who bleeds during her early pregnancy. Also, I don't have pain. Why should I worry.
I arrived clinic around 9am and met the doc. He scanned my tummy, and this time I can see my baby. He's there. Last time I couldn't see him, he was too small. But the doc wasn't happy because there was a thin line inside the sac. The line should attached to the edge of the sac. I knew it's not a good sign. The doc said nothing and he was so positive but I still can see he's worried. He also couldn't find the heartbeat. But he said, it might be because it's too early. So he referred me to QHC Medical Centre in Taipan USJ. A specialist on gynecology.
I went there around 11.30am. Asyraf was on his way home. I asked him to come straight to the clinic. He was nearby when the doc called me in. I was hoping for him to be with me but it turned out better for me to go alone because I'm much stronger to receive any bad news alone.
So I explained to the doc my condition. He said no worries, let's do the scan. So he scanned my tummy. He said,
"wahh, baby dah besar"
I was so happy. Again i can see my baby was there. After a few seconds, his face changed. I told the doc, I have clots coming out and I knew it's not a good sign. The doc just nodded his head. He then said
"I couldn't find the heartbeat"
I said nothing because I might cry if i talk. The doctor pressed a few buttons on the big machine. And a few blue and red dots appeared on the screen. The red dot means oxygenated blood and the blue means deoxygenated blood. But no dots were seen on my baby.
"There's no presence of blood on the baby's image. I'm sorry, you lost your pregnancy miss"
I looked into the doc's eyes, and said "it's okay doc, let me know what should i do next"
I was so calm until Asyraf arrived when I was at the counter to pay for the bills. He hugged me and when we walked out of the hospital I hold his arm and cried.....Asyraf lost his words.
I was in that crying state for 2 days. Asyraf was excused from his meeting. I received a lot of support from my families and friends. Even my father in law came to my house the same day I lost my baby. Asyraf's family is very supportive.
And most importantly, my husband. He did everything he could to cheer me up. Asyraf is a funny guy (when he's with me) He ALWAYS makes me laugh and smile, at ALL time, days and nights. He filled my life with love and care that I can never dream of. He was and is there whenever I open my eyes especially now, when I lost the missing piece that I long to have, my child :(